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August 29, 2012

(I wrote a letter to the facebook security team, but it was full of mistakes, so I retyped it and sent them this note.)

Dear Facebook Security People Again,

Just went back and cleaned up my previous email. I think you will agree, this one reads much better. Please disregard my previous missive, with its numerous misspellings and failure to flatter in closing.

Also, I was afraid that my illiteracy might have created the mistaken impression that I am a Russian or Nigerian, struggling with a foreign language. This is not the case. I am just a bad typist.



(Here is the corrected note. No, you do not need to see the one with all the typos.)

Dear Facebook Security Posse,

While I do appreciate your security efforts on my behalf, I would like to know when I might be able to access my account again. I took a picture of my passport, (pixelating out the numbers, as you suggested), and submitted it, as per your security protocol.

I suspect my account was flagged as suspicious because I am traveling abroad. I am currently in Warszawa, Poland and will be for a week, so I decided to make the hostel computer a recognized device. (I’m the only guest at the moment.)

Well, I have no idea if anyone is reading this, so I guess I’ll stop now. But if you are, and if my account has not been compromised, I sure would like to get on there and look at those dozens of photo comments, and all the other devastatingly important data that I know are waiting for me on your most excellent, completely free, service.

Thank you,

David Morrison


7 Comments leave one →
  1. Louis permalink
    August 29, 2012 12:48 pm

    “your most excellent, completely free, service”

    I imagine that last phrase (above) must have been painful to write. You groveling flatterer.

    • August 29, 2012 4:06 pm

      Believe it or not, I meant it. I have no complaints wth facebook at all. They do provide a great service, completely free of charge. It’s one of the main ways I stay in touch with friends. Some of the stuff people post on facebook is dumb, but that’s not facebook’s fault.

  2. Nörbert permalink
    August 29, 2012 12:58 pm

    That’s too well-written, I’m sure they’re more used to illiteracy and unplanned, badly thrashed out emails. Or maybe that was just the family and friends I had on my Facebook back in the day.

    • August 29, 2012 4:46 pm

      Well, they got my problem fixed. I have no idea if my unneccessarily ornate prose is what did the trick, but at least it didn’t hurt. It’s not like I need an excuse to go on.

    • August 29, 2012 4:57 pm

      Oh, and the umlaut is a nice, subtle touch. Keep those variations coming. I’ll be disappointed if you ever repeat yourself.

  3. Sibyl White permalink
    August 29, 2012 1:39 pm

    WordPress seems to not have such scruples. There is cut and paste if you want to go that route.

    • August 29, 2012 4:47 pm

      Without cut & paste, I’d spend what little time I now have away from the computer, at the computer.

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